SEVENTY TIMES SEVEN
© Marlicia Fernandez 8-13-20
“Then Peter came up
and said to Him, ‘Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I
forgive him? As many as seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ‘I do not say to you seven
times, but seventy times seven.’”
~Matthew
18: 21-22 (RSV-CE)
Forgiveness is hard. Asking for forgiveness can be even harder. It is hard, but not impossible. Each requires openness and humility of heart. Each requires understanding and acceptance of our own brokenness, and of our, “there, if not for the grace of God, go I” truth. Still we make excuses and play the blame game. No one likes to be in the wrong and no one likes to have their efforts at reconciliation rebuffed. Protective barriers are easier, and less risky to erect than opening oneself up to possible ridicule, rejection, or worse yet, outright dismissal. The thing is, the same barriers that protect, also divide and isolate; both from each other, and in some cases, even from God. Humility and the willingness to admit our need, either to forgive or be forgiven is necessary to heal the wounds and mend the fences damaged by intentional or unintentional slights. Wounded pride has no place here. Humility is key. God is merciful, so should we be.
True. I’d be willing to bet that for the majority of people, it’s rarely, if ever, easy. There are some who would rather pretend that nothing ever happened, even as resentment and frustration fill them or, at the extreme, relationships fall apart. It’s frightening to see how easily a grudge, held onto, can ruin a life. Then there are those who are afraid to ask for forgiveness because, for whatever reason, they believe they will be denied their request, or made to feel foolish. They venture nothing and so they receive nothing. And the damage remains.
I think most people have fallen into one camp or the other at some time in their lives, and yet, despite our common experiences, we still find it hard to open ourselves up, to be vulnerable and humble…to trust and believe that our vulnerability will be protected and our trust will be validated. So we pull in on ourselves. That’s not what Jesus wants us to do. When he taught us how to pray, he made forgiveness ‘conditional’.
“Conditional.” Yikes!
Yeah. That sounds a little intimidating, maybe even a little frightening, but upon closer examination it’s not as scary as it might seem. All it means is: if we want to be forgiven, we must also forgive, and forgive from the heart.
“Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive
those who trespass against us…”
~The Lord’s Prayer
I wonder how many times those words just roll off our tongues as we pray, with no real thought behind them. I’m ashamed to say that for me, more times than I can count. They’re just part of the prayer, but it’s important that I pay attention to what the Lord is teaching us, because He takes us at our word.
“Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive
those who trespass against us…”
It sounds easy when Our Blessed Lord says it. That’s deceptive, but the “condition” remains clear none-the-less. If I don’t forgive others when they ask, I won’t be pardoned, not only by the person I’ve offended, but by God whom I have offended multiple times and upon Whose mercy and love I trust and depend upon.
It doesn’t help that at present there is a disturbing trend to communicate without thinking, or worse yet to speak, or act, in a way calculated to hurt others for whatever reason. In this climate it can be difficult to determine if the slight received was accidental or intentional, which can make it hard to forgive and forget. If a person does gather up the courage to apologize, or ask forgiveness in this climate, they are just as likely to be refused as they are to be acknowledged or forgiven. The hurt remains and festers and the bonds are still broken. Everybody suffers. Nobody wins.
I wish I could say that I always forgive from the heart and that I do not hesitate to ask for forgiveness when I’ve injured another. Unfortunately, I have discovered I’m not as good at forgiving as I like to think. Over sensitivity and lack of true humility on my part are the culprits. I can say the words with the will to mean them, even if they are accompanied by the occasional grimace, and things will seem to get back to normal. Life goes on without issue, that is until an argument or disagreement occurs, or I feel unappreciated or sorry for myself. Grudges I don’t even realize I’ve carried surface. I thought I’d forgive from the heart and forgotten…at least that was my intent, but…there they are, mocking me, stirring up resentment and annoyance all over again! I can only offer a prayer for the one I thought I’d forgiven and for myself and hope that God sees the intention and recognizes my effort and my weakness. I hope He will forgive based on my intent, not my success.
I have hope for that whenever I look at the crucifix. There he hangs, where he allowed me to nail him with my sins, for love of me. He forgave me, even though he knew my weakness. He forgave me even before I knew I needed forgiving. He forgave me even before I existed. That is a comforting thought.
While my desire to receive God’s mercy and forgiveness so that I can spend eternity in Heaven with Him is a very important reason to forgive others, it is not the only one. Being at odds with our brothers and sisters, with our spouses, neighbors, friends and coworkers is detrimental to our physical, mental and emotional health and well-being, here and now, in our present life. Everything becomes more difficult when done under stress. Learning to forgive and ask for forgiveness heals wounds, mends fences and reestablishes peace, trust, mutual respect and joy in our day to day living. Who doesn’t want that?
“…Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ‘I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.’”
Can I get and “Amen”?
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