Blessed Timothy Giaccardo: Growth...and problems

Growth...and problems
Blessed Timothy


The life of every Saint has many things to teach us because they are made of the same clay as we are and encounter many of the same difficulties. Nevertheless their reaction to their challenges are usually more indicative than prescriptive because they have lived in different times and are in fact different people.


When, therefore, we read the Diary of Blessed Timothy we must remember that he was a highly emotional man, more intelligent than most, product of a pious family and with a rural background. For this reason, 'some of this thoughts and reflections may appear to us as exaggerated. And to some extent they are. But, we might ruefully reflect, how much better that than the sort of reactions to the Church and to spirituality that we hear all around us today!


We begin with a thought which unfortunately is very rare today:


O Jesus, will I save my soul? Will I come to live with you in Paradise and enjoy a blessed eternity? Will I become a priest . . . in Hell! Jesus, I tremble when I see myself so proud; I tremble at my laziness, my carelessness, my lack of reflection, of good heart, of initiative: Jesus, my sins,my pride,0 Jesus where will they lead me? Jesus, pardon. Jesus cleanse me. Jesus become a deeper part of me.


At this time he is continuing with his studies in the Seminary of Alba and the Spiritual Director ( Fr Alberione), who has begun the future Pauline Family a few years previously, has been - not surprisingly - speaking to the students about his work.


/ see reawakened in me an interest in the Good Press. I have a stronger spirit of prayer, of lively faith and of confidence in the Eucharistic Jesus, Former of clerics . . . I have begun to see more clearly my mission for the Press Apostolate and I have become more enthusiastic about it..


. . . My convictions are taking firmer shape a little at a time - the work of grace and psychology; now after a long time,I feel myself totally taken by the Good Press.


The Catholic Press is the queen of my life, an idea which is becoming more detailed and firm, the lady of my life, of my will, of my heart, the sun which drives away all other ideas. I pray for the Press and with unusual fervor so as to prepare myself to be a good apostle of the Press.


I have begun to realize that the Press is the actual mission of Jesus Christ which, through faith in Jesus Christ, penetrates civil (= secular) society as a promotion of the Gospel, and so it is a mission proper to the priesthood and the Church needs missionaries of the Press.


But then his sensitive nature takes over for a moment.


But I tremble when I see my pride which is stopping the action of God and paralyzing my cooperation with His grace. I feel the need to abandon myself to Mary, to cleanse myself, to ask others to pray for me ... How much less good my pride could let me do; indeed, 0 Jesus, I tremble at the thought that my pride may drive me to Hell. Will I follow you, 0 Jesus? Will I be faithful to you? . . . Jesus, I put my trust only in you and in Mary.


The cloud has passed and he reflects more calmly:


/ am as proud as a peacock . . . is the Lord really calling me to a Congregation for the Good Press? At the natural level I am certain he is . . . but it could also be that the Lord is preparing me for a collateral vocation . . . These are days of divine revelation: if the Lord is calling me then I need a profound conviction of the greater value in our times of the written word as compared with the regular (priestly) mission. Truly it requires a deeper knowledge, a higher holiness, a more profound humility . . . In addition, have I the strength and the spiritual energy and the humility to resist the contrary counsel of my Superiors and be satisfied with a permission wrung reluctantly from them as I follow the voice of God?


We are talking of beginning a great work in the Church and it needs extraordinary sacrifices. If God lets me know that it is His will that I be a missionary of the Good Press, then I embrace this apostolate and I remain indifferent about my future, meaning I put in the hands of God my (future)social position, the (advantages of ) common life, of one place rather than another, of my whole future life on earth
... but I don't really know this yet. (He appears to be contrasting the socially-approved parish clergy of his time with the sort of difficult existence he would have in this new Movement.)


Does the Lord want me first to be an Apostle and then a priest, or first a priest and then an Apostle of the Press? They are saying: Apostle of the Press but no priestly ordination or an ordained priest whose main work will be the Press? . . . How should I act in practice? Lord Jesus (give me) clarity, formation, enunciation . . Jesus, these days are yours and we are talking of your glory, of the Church, of so many souls, of my spiritual health . . . Jesus I tremble like a leaf because of my pride, break it, Jesus; I hold tightly to my mother, Mary, I ask you for forgiveness for my sins and I trust only you, Jesus in the Eucharist,who died on the cross for me and for the Church.


All this may strike us as excessive introspection but we are talking of a time when the Catholic priesthood was esteemed perhaps more than any other profession and when an ex-student remained an "ex" for the rest of his days, a species of failure. Ironically, this is true even in our Godless times. Every time someone writes about John Hume, a most distinguished Irish politician and one of the major factors in the present improved circumstances in Northern Ireland, the first item mentioned is that he was formerly a student for the priesthood!


Thus we can understand Joseph's perplexity and hesitation. Of course Fr Alberione was involved all along as his Spiritual Director (although Father insisted that he had never forced anyone to follow him). But, as the old saying goes, there are more ways to kill a cat than choking it with butter.


My second conference with the Spiritual Director on the question of my vocation. My view: the need for an apostolate of the Press, of a Religious Congregation still to be begun and how the apostolate of the Press is superior to the ordinary priestly ministry for the current needs of the Church ... all this is becoming part of my life.


The Church. The Spiritual Director requires that all his students renounce their own judgment and leave God to work freely.


. . . the Spiritual Director remarked that Ordination is necessary only to obtain the optimum effect (anyone can do the practical work), but he didn't convince me. He told me to think and pray about my decision because even he is not quite satisfied that his House is where I should be at this time.


He spoke to me about the grave problems of his work at this time because both laity and clergy seem to be against him. This made me very happy and convinced that his work is blessed by God and will certainly succeed. I told him that from the very beginning of his work I had felt I had to be part of it and that I loved it with a special affection, and he told me that when he had invited me to enter the Seminary (after they had met when Fr. Alberione was helping out in Joseph's parish) he also had felt a special closeness to be and saw me as a future priest who would work for the Church and the Pope and perhaps at that stage we would become intimate friends and speak familiarly to each other. ( Joseph uses the Italian phrase: "darci del tu" i.e. use the "tu" form of "you" for intimates and inferiors, instead of the formal "lei" used with strangers or superiors.)



(continued)